The (new) jokes thread.....

Discussion in 'Chat and Banter' started by slim_boy_fat, Aug 19, 2015.

  1. rigeng
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    Guy: 'Doctor, my girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection
    and the condom never broke. How is it possible?'

    Doctor: 'Let me tell you a story. There was once a hunter who always
    carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took his umbrella instead
    of his gun and went out. A lion suddenly jumped in front of him. In
    order to scare the lion, the hunter used the umbrella like a gun, and
    shot the lion and killed it!'

    Guy: 'Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the lion.'

    Doctor: 'Good! You understood the story. Next patient, please.'
     
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  2. Copex
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    fullsizeoutput_531e.jpeg fullsizeoutput_531e.jpeg
     
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  3. GunRunner
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  4. OHP
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    Bill and Ben the flower pot men were sharing a bath together....

    Bill goes flobalobalob....

    Ben sais.. if that smells I'm going to punch you in the face
     
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  5. Mieke
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    For those that are staunchly politically correct, look away now. But here goes:-

    Did you hear about the dyslexic homosexual that was struggling with his sexuality because he was still in Daniel

    Or, the dyslexic alcoholic that got so drunk he almost choked on his own Vimto.
     
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  6. Singvogel
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    Just been reading (on another forum) advice from an auto electrician on not replacing blown fuses with higher rated ones in an attempt to fix a fuse-blowing problem.

    But if you are tempted to try a bigger fuse he gave this helpful guide:

    Fuse Replacement Guide.jpg
     
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  7. snrbrtsn
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  8. Mieke
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  9. Adie
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  10. mach one
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  11. Mieke
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    I don't know. My battery went flat. :whistle::rolleyes:
     
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  12. snrbrtsn
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  13. rigeng
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    After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, Canadian scientists found
    Traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that
    Their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

    Not to be outdone by their neighbours, in the weeks that followed, an American
    Archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story published in the New York Times:
    "American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their
    Ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 50 years earlier than the Canadians".

    One week later, the British authorities reported the following:
    "After digging as deep as 30 feet in North Yorkshire, Jack Arkwright, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely f*** all.
    Jack has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Britain had already gone wireless."

    Just makes you bloody proud to be British, don't it!
     
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  14. snrbrtsn
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  15. GunRunner
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    Alexa! What do women want?
    Alexa-wife.JPG
     
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  16. snrbrtsn
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  17. Wynne71
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    I knew my wife was a keeper when I met her, she wore massive gloves.



    What is a foot long and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe.....

    (I’m here all week....)
     
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