The (new) jokes thread.....

It's not as bad as the one concerning the golf club manufacturing company that has gone bust because they can't get any drivers.

 

A GERMAN High Court has granted a woman seven restraining orders against a group of village miners after years of legal battles.

The young woman, going by the name of Fraulein Schnee Weiss, thanked the court and her legal team for the over-due verdict, stating she can now get on with her life and put behind years or harassment and verbal abuse.

In a brief impact statement, Ms Weiss detailed a decade of verbal and mental abuse while staying in a home with seven men who forced her to work as a slave for them for ten years.

“They saw I was young and vulnerable and used my situation to their advantage,” Weiss told the court,, “I was expected to wash their clothes, make the meals and clean their house while they worked in the nearby mine, in exchange they would keep me hidden in the woods.

“For years I had to endure hearing them sing their awful song, "Hi ho, hi ho" over and over again, and it still haunts my nightmares,” she said.

The seven men, charged with harassment and stalking, were given a suspended sentence of four years each which will become custodial if they step within 1,000 metres of the victim.

Meanwhile, streaming service Netflix has announced a 5-season docuseries, aptly called Snow White & The Seven Restraining Orders, which will air in March.

 

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned.

I just couldn’t concentrate.

 

I brought a dog from a Blacksmith today.

As soon as i got it home it made a bolt for the door.

 

I told my wife that I had a Police record from away back. She wasn't very pleased and didn't speak to me for a week. I still think that 'Every Breath You Take' is a great song.